My Absolute Darling

My Absolute Darling by Gabriel Tallent. Ohhhhhhhh fuck this book. I'm surprised I finished reading it.

Let me start with what I liked about it. I liked the cover; the design is beautiful, and I'd heard about this book often enough to place it on my library hold list. The main character, Turtle, is compelling in her fierceness and feralness. That's about it.

What did I not like about the book? Well, pretty much everything else. The depiction of trauma rang so false to me - enough to be actually upsetting. I read this on my kindle, which allowed me to do a word count, which I did because I because I was curious whether or not I was overreacting to the language used and nope, not overreacting - this book uses the word cunt 16 times, slit 29 times, and bitch 63 times. SIXTY THREE TIMES. Look, I get that internalized misogyny is a result of trauma, and I've met men who speak about women the way that Martin does in this book. You might even say that after working in the field for, oh eight years or so that I know a little bit about trauma and abuse. And I get that Turtle's internal monologue is meant to represent just how ingrained in her Martin's voice is. But it's too much, and a more skillful writer would have shown it, not told it, over and over and over again. And the description of Brett's mother when we first meet her. Can someone explain to me what the shape of her labia have to do with her character? She works in a nudist colony, cool cool. I still don't know what her labia have to do with the story, because basically, we never come back to her. The teenaged boys are relatively flat characters, lacking much complexity beyond a Gilmore Girls-style ability for banter. And the ending? Where was Jacob? So much of the ending revolves around him and yet... he's not there and it's NEVER ADDRESSED where he was. What the actual fuck?

Please don't read this. Instead, take the $13.99 or whatever you would spend, and donate it to an organization that actually helps support trauma victims, like RAINN. And if you still want to read a story about resilience through trauma, go pick up The Fact of a Body instead.

The Fact of a Body

"I have been driven all along by the belief that there is a knot at the heart of the collision between me and Ricky that will help me make sense of what will never be resolved. The way my body is evidence. The way I carry what my grandfather did in my body. I carry it through my life." 

The Fact of a Body, by Alexandra Marzano-Lesnevich is a  memoir intertwined with a a true crime story, and is unlike anything else I can recall reading. The author, an attorney, finds herself drawn to a death row case that challenges her belief that no person should die for their crimes, no matter how heinous. Through her research of the case, through tens of thousands of pages of documents, interview, videos, and photographs, visits to the small town where the crime occurred, and conversations with the killer himself, Marzano-Lesnevich is forced to confront her own abusive past and how it has formed her into the person she is today. Painful to read, the book alternates between perspectives as Marzano-Lesnevich reconstructs the murder of a young boy in Louisiana and his killer's trail with her own experiences as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. 

The two crimes at first appear so different. On one hand, we have a young boy in an impoverished town murdered by a man with a documented history of sexual violence. On the other, a young girl, from a well-known family in a picture perfect town, abused by her grandfather for years. Initially the only common thread we see is the sexual violence; however, Marzano-Lesnevich skillfully draws out common themes of intergenerational trauma and loss, what drives a family to protect its own, secrecy, and the slippery nature of love and forgiveness. The writing is lovely, descriptive, and methodical. The author never veers into the exploitative, and even when describing moments of great harm or pain, does so with gravity, respect, and yes, even empathy, for all involved. More than anything, I loved the ways in which she explored these complicated grey areas, whether created by law or emotion. "Forgiveness is too simple a word. They helped make me. They did such harm."  Both of these things can be true, and perhaps, there can be healing in acknowledging the spaces between. 

4/5 stars. 

Book Riot's Read Harder Challenge

One of my overall goals for 2018 is to expand my reading horizons, as I tend to keep pretty closely to fiction, memoir, and fantasy. One of the tools I'm using to accomplish this is the Book Riot Read Harder Challenge - a series of 24 prompts intended to guide your reading toward new and unfamiliar places. While I'm not committing to completing every item on this list, I'm keeping it here for reference when I'm feeling stale about what's on my to read shelf and to prompt me to read outside my box. Ideally, I'll update this list when I check things off. So let's see how it goes!

1. A book published posthumously
2. A book of true crime (The Fact of a Body)
3. A classic of genre fiction (i.e. mystery, sci fi/fantasy, romance)
4. A comic written and drawn by the same person
5. A book set in or about one of the five BRICS countries(Brazil, Russia, India, China, or South Africa)
6. A book about nature
7. A western
8. A comic written or illustrated by a person of color
9. A book of colonial or postcolonial literature
10. A romance novel by or about a person of color
11. A children’s classic published before 1980 (A Wrinkle In Time)
12. A celebrity memoir (Does Sisters First count?!)
13. An Oprah Book Club selection
14. A book of social science
15. A one-sitting book
16. The first book in a new-to-you YA or middle grade series
17. A sci fi novel with a female protagonist by a female author
18. A comic that isn’t published by Marvel, DC, or Image
19. A book of genre fiction in translation
20. A book with a cover you hate
21. A mystery by a person of color or LGBTQ+ author
22. An essay anthology
23. A book with a female protagonist over the age of 60
24. An assigned book you hated (or never finished)

Sisters First

"While he was in the White House, Dad and his strategist Karl Rove had an annual reading contest. The first year, Karl won, but the race was close: his 110 books read to my dad’s 95. These days, Dad outreads us all."

I'm not sure how this has a current rating of 4.16 on GoodReads. It's about as fluffy as a memior gets. Looking for something to humanize and warm you to the Bush family? This is your best bet. Jenna and Barbara tell stories about their family, in a beautiful, loving way, without much challenge or nuance. I had picked this up with the hopes of learning a bit about living in a family where you have different political beliefs - my interest in Barbara Bush had piqued when she was spotted at a fundraiser for Hillary Clinton in 2016, and her work in health care seems very progressive. So I suppose I was hoping for some insight into what it's like to have views contrary to your parents, particularly in such a heightened partisan moment. Though Barbara does address it, it's brief, thinly detailed, and not until the end. To be clear, I did not think this was going to be a book where the twins ripped apart their family (or each other), but I did hope that there would be a bit more meat to their stories. I briefly considered putting it down, but it was such a swift read, I didn't mind finishing it. 

Biggest surprise for sure? Learning that G. W. reads so many books - how?! And as president, when?!

2.5 stars. 

The Power

“She cuppeth the lightning in her hand. She commandeth it to strike.”

I had already had this book on my to-read list for an upcoming book club meeting when it also appeared on President Obama's best of the year list. Often I try and get my books from the library, but the wait was so long, and book club is next week, so I went ahead and purchased it from Amazon, eager to read it not only because of the content of the story but also because of the glowing recommendation from our former leader (sigh... remember when presidents read books?!)

Well, it was... something. I'm still processing my thoughts and feelings about it, but boy, was it not what I expected. It started off really strong; the passages about feminine power awakening were incredibly moving and powerful, especially when used to defend oneself in a traumatic moment. And Tunde's introduction gave me chills. It was so spot on with regards to the mixed feelings of fear and eroticism that can be present in such tense moments with a significant power differential at play.

From then on, the story takes off, following the three main characters as this mysterious power spreads across the world, and manifests itself in women young and old. Alderman explores the geopolitical ramifications of "the power" through religion, crime, politics, and journalism, while also counting down towards a mysterious critical point. I loved the idea of Bessapara, women rising up from chains and slavery and creating a home for themselves, and women embracing the divine feminine and rewriting the gospels in an empowering way. There were truly some beautiful moments in this book that in some ways mirror the cultural moment we are experiencing, where women are finally empowered enough to speak up about sexual assault, where #metoo has become a rallying cry and not an experience to feel shameful about. From there though, Alderman take is to a dark place. With power comes power, and we quickly see how power also corrupts, as the narrative reaches a critical breaking point just before resolving. 

Going into it, I expected it to remain on a more personal scale for each of the characters, and was pleasantly surprised to see it taken to the global scale that it was. That being said, I fundamentally disagree with Alderman's dystopian predictions. I do truly believe the world will be better off with more women in positions of power, and I hope every election ahead of us gets us closer and closer to a more just and kind world. Alderman shows us a cautionary tale, and hopefully, it remains firmly in the land of fiction. 

3.5/5 stars, because even though I couldn't put it down, I completely disagree with the direction it took!

A Wrinkle in Time

“Do you think things always have an explanation?” “Yes. I believe that they do. But I think that with our human limitations we’re not always able to understand the explanations. But you see, Meg, just because we don’t understand doesn’t mean that the explanation doesn’t exist.”

Book the first for 2018 was to read A Wrinkle In Time, by Madeleine L'Engle. Surprisingly, I had never read this book as a child, though I've always been a fairly voracious reader, and interested in fantasy... somehow I missed this one. I decided to pick it up - of course - because of my interest in the film coming out later this year, which I am super excited to go see.

I flew through this book in one day. A very sick, flu-ridden day where I hardly left the couch, but it was easy enough to get through even in that state. The story is beautiful, and I loved the themes of hope and faith, though I found the Christian overtones a little heavy at times. More than anything, my favorite passage was the portion centered around Meg and Aunt Beast, and how powerful different forms of perception feed our minds and hearts. I did see the twist at the end coming, it felt fairly obvious to me but.... still beautiful. I will say I was a bit confused at the end (what IS the black thing? How exactly is it connected to Camazotz?) and at some point will likely pick up the next book to see how it all unfolds, and whether or not love is truly the answer to saving the universe.

4/5 stars.

2017 Recap and 2018 Goals

One of my favorite things about the end of the year is looking back at what I read and whether or not I met my reading goals for the year... and I did!

Goal: Read 35 Books. ✔️ I read 45! That's 16,358 pages total, and 3,742 more than last year. Woohoo!! Next year... 45 again?!

Goal: Read mostly female authors and writers of color. ✔️ 42/45 books were written by women, and 15/45 were written by POC. Definitely room to grow, but pretty proud of that, too. Next year - increase my support of diverse authors and storytelling.

Goal: Read more non-fiction. ✔️ 16/45 books this year were non-fiction/memoir which is 4x as many as last year, which I am proud of, though let's be honest, it skews a bit more memoir than analytical. Next year, more analysis, and more variety in general. Maybe more poetry? More development books? Definitely more by non-American authors. I'll never lose my love for fiction, memoir, or fantasy, but I'd like to expand a bit more beyond these genres.

Top 5 Reads Overall, in no particular order:
The Bright Hour, Nina Riggs
Fierce Kingdom, Gin Phillips
The Hate U Give, Angie Thomas
Home Fire, Kamila Shamsie
Strange the Dreamer, Laini Taylor

Best Series: A Darker Shade of Magic, VE Schwab

WORST Reads:
The Futures, Anna Pitoniak
Milk and Honey, Rupi Kaur (Sorry!!!!)

What were the best things you read this year?

Hi there.

Hi there.

I'm Jillian, and I read a lot of books.

Well, more than a lot of people, but not as many as others. Mostly, I like to read books and talk about them with others. So hopefully I can do some of that here.

Also, maybe writing about books will help strengthen my thinking critically about them. And practice my writing muscles?

Here goes!